What is a mustache

And why do all guys want to grow one?

And why do all guys want to grow one?

Hello party people. Happy Tuesday. You successfully made it past Monday which is an accomplishment in itself, so in order to celebrate let me throw some knowledge at you (or my lack thereof) about one of the things besides bucket hats women genuinely do not understand about members of the opposite sex. Yes I'm looking at you upper lip hair.

The mustache. 

Unlike the beard, which has become a hipster staple these days, the hair above men's lips is an underground phenomenon that men are all too happy to *humble* brag about at some party where you're probably sitting on a futon talking about the weather but mostly staring at three hairs that look like they don't belong. 

Before you rush any judgement on my part, and screech that YOU'RE SO HYPOCRITICAL YOU RUN A MENSWEAR BLOG FOR WOMEN let me just say first, I KNOW and second, I applaud any guy who can rock a mustache like super suave anonymous below. Hello sir. But if you are not apart of the less than one percent, I'm sorry. Lets just shave that thing off. 

Most men in their heads, I'm sure, look like the next Robert Downey Jr. but we can't all be Iron Man can we? Unfortunately life isn't fair and the majority are instead Micheal Cera-esque, see Exhibit A below.



I'm sure there are men out there who disagree with my fashion style and would like to see something more "feminine and flirty", (excuse me i just vomited) but I hate pink and I also don't care. My outfits have a balance of ugly and pretty, therefore canceling each other out to just look unique. And that's just my opinion. When's the last time I was complimented by a guy for my culottes or Birkenstocks or baggy jeans?

Oh that's right, never.

And when's the last time you've seen a guy genuinely trying to rock a mustache gone awry with anything on other than a polo shirt or thread worn sweatpants?

Oh that's right, never.

The good looking men with mustaches have barely noteworthy said lip hair because they are DRESSING THE PART. See above Exhibit A. Suave Anon is wearing a blazer and combed his hair. Rocking the beanie, dress shirt, whatever it may be, mustache men are combining the ugly with the pretty. Denim joggers are the closest thing they get to sweatpants.

They care about fashion and themselves and you can tell. Step 1. You appreciate it. Step 2. You notice how good they look in said clothing. Step 3. You decide they are attractive. Step 4. Their effort to look good cancels out any sad looking mustache.

Girls dress for other girls 99% of the time, and if you think any different you're wrong.

So maybe mustaches, along with bucket hats and dudes dressing in calf high socks and basketball shorts, are simply men's fashion rules for their own gender. Ugly versus pretty. Ugly combined with pretty. Maybe they don't care. Maybe you don't either.

Maybe I'm making all this up. But I'll let you decide.


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